Spanish Tinder

Spanish Tinder

Hola, me again – still single, still dateless, marginally less obese than the last time I wrote and every bit as annoying.

I probably shouldn’t give away such a big clue as to the effectiveness of my use of dating apps in the introductory sentence, but let’s face it, you are not reading this expecting me to have hooked up with a Spanish hottie in Spain, during a pandemic, are you?

When the pandemic first struck, and lockdown ensued, Tinder offered the chance to change location for free.

Normally, this is only available to premium members, where you can select somewhere else in the world other than your current location, to look for people to ghost elsewhere. Yet when Tinder offered it for free, and I’d had a few drinks, it got me thinking.

No, I didn’t consider changing my location to Doncaster. I changed it to Spain. Madrid, to be exact (apologies to female friends/acquaintances who actually live in Madrid), for I thought it would have the largest amount of Spanish women. I did strongly consider both Ibiza and Sevilla, but the market is somewhat more limited.

What is the point?

Sure, I had no expectation to be getting a flight to Madrid to go on a date with a Spanish hottie, at the height of the lockdown.

But at the height of the lockdown, when I changed my location on Tinder, I couldn’t even go into central London. Hell, I wasn’t even allowed to meet anyone in Harrow.

So wherever I set my location to was equally as pointless. And much less appealing. Especially Doncaster.

I do only tend to use Tinder when I’ve had a few beers and my thoughts turn from coding books to cuddling boobs. And looking at Spanish women is just perfect.


Hmmm, there seems to be a theme here. Dark hair and black clothing.

More of a mixture.



Oh you like that song do you? Hola.

Anyone question why I like Spanish women?

Adios, James?

I did actually get a couple of matches. No I didn’t say, “hola”. Two unmatched me quickly, and one has model-like professional photographs. I’m not deluded…I’m not that deluded.

I even have proof!

Granted she looks like she’s doing blackface.

Unfortunately I’m now stuck with Spanish Tinder – if I go back to my current location then I’ll have to upgrade to a premium account to look at Spanish hotties again, and will be stuck with Harrow’s not-so-hotties instead.

I think perhaps there could be more piernas (legs) to this idea. Update my profile to be written in my basic Spanish, explain that I am not going to be leaving my wonderful Brexit-ridden country for at least a year, that I am looking for someone to help me speak Spanish and maybe update my profile photo to my newly slightly less obese self, whilst eating some raw chorizo.

Well…one can dream. Si? Well…it cannot be much worse than my sex life this year. Or last year. Or the year before…

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